My first year of homeschooling there were A LOT of tears. Copious amounts. Most of them mine. I caused the only tears that my daughter cried because I was so impatient and so stuck in my own selfish ways.
Luckily, she still loves me.
I remember the day when I was seven months pregnant with my fifth child that I waltzed her into the office of the local elementary school and got the papers to sign her into school the very next day.
I handed the office manager the papers and she said, “Oh no, we don’t enroll her until she actually goes to class. Bring those with you tomorrow morning.”
Boy am I glad they didn’t sign her in. I cried buckets that night. Repentant of my selfishness. I had expected WAAAYY too much of her and WAAAYY to little from myself. I could NOT wait until I could call the school and tell them I had changed my mind.
Luckily, she still loves me.
Today, I successfully (most of the time) homeschool three of my six children (the other three are still too little). I haven’t given up. But the ONLY reason I haven’t given up is because I KNOW I’m called to homeschool. If I didn’t know I was called I would have crumbled. Some mommies don’t feel the calling to homeschool, I understand that. My eldest daughter went to public school kindergarten and had a wonderful teacher. Teachers are wonderful people. And I never even wanted to homeschool…until I discovered the #1 Reason I Homeschool. (But just between you and me there are some days I stillI don’t want to homeschool).
Just like my walk with homeschooling showed me my selfishness, God has used my blog to show me where my heart needs adjusting. Blogging has revealed some VERY yucky parts of me. It has revealed my selfish ambition and my pride.
One day, I drove up to drop my daughter off at “Thursday School”. Thursday School is one day a week the kids get to be in a classroom-like environment – kind of like study hall. My oldest gets to interact with friends, take an art class and work on independent work. As I rolled my van into the parking lot of the church it is hosted in, I saw that the marquee read:
Where your treasure is, there your heart will be there also.” (Matthew 6:21)
Stab. Twist. Pull.
I had been thinking about my blog. In fact, I had been thinking about my blog for days…weeks even!
And though my house was clean, I was losing weight from baby #6 and having regular quiet time with God (remember Blogging & Priorities from Day 21?), my heart had been captured by my blog. Every waking thought was about my blog. I taught school during our scheduled time ONLY so I could get back to my blogging. I had intimate time with my husband and watched our TV program together but then RUSHED back to promote my post again on Twitter. I went to bed thinking about how I could approach my next blog subject. I had become a blog addict.
I had been serving “the god of the blog” rather than serving God! And because I blog about God, it was an easy mistake. One that I still fall into from time to time (okay, maybe a lot of the time!)
I could just give up the blog, right? That would fix the issue, right?
Maybe. Or maybe it would cause the catalyst of my sin to go away, but my sin will still remain. Just because something is hard doesn’t mean we should give it up.
If I had gone through with sending my daughter back to public school, I would still have selfishness in my heart. And it would lie dormant until something else disturbed it.
Do you remember the song “Going on a Bear Hunt?” There are a couple obstacles in the hunters way. The hunter can’t go over it, he can’t go under it, he can’t go around it, he has got to go through it! The only way to eliminate our heart issues is to deal with them! (Click to Tweet)
There might be a time we need to apply the verse about “cutting off our hand if it causes us to sin” — if you find that you cannot stop serving “the god of the blog” it may very well need to be “cut off.” (Matthew 5:30)
Our hearts can tempt us to worship our blogs instead of the only true and living God. God addresses idol worship among the Israelites time and time again in the Old Testament because they continued to do it! Mankind is prone to idol worship. We must constantly guard against it. Do not trust your heart, the Bible calls your heart desperately wicked.
Continue to check yourself as you blog. We’ll never be too mature as a blogger to “graduate” the temptation to worship our blog! (Click to Tweet)
I literally (just right now) hit the button on the power strip and shut down my entire computer…mid post! I hadn’t “saved as draft” for a while. Here I am writing a blog post about serving God and not an idol — and my blog goes down. Go figure! I just had to smile.
But this morning I wasn’t smiling, I was getting frustrated about my blog and yelling at my kids because they didn’t want to do school (and I didn’t either…I wanted to blog!).
I could tell I was “serving the god of the blog” because I didn’t have peace. Jesus is the Prince of Peace. In fact, I had the opposite of peace. I had anger…lots of anger.
Poor kids, luckily, they still love me.
If you have found yourself worshipping the god of the blog rather than God, there is hope! Confess it to him! Ask him to help you put your blog in the right place. He will help you. And know that we are lucky, because he still loves us.
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