How Do I Stop Feeling Worthless?

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How Do I Stop Feeling Worthless?

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Chelsea Rotunno

Chelsea lives in Los Angeles, CA with her husband Andy, who is the youth pastor at Village Church, and their five homeschooled kids. She also teaches writing classes. In her spare time she takes ballet classes. Her first novel, Goodnight To My Thoughts of You is about a woman who searches for true love after her heart is broken by the worship leader at church–but what she finds is God’s true love…and the unexpected gift of a pure relationship with Charlie. She blogs at

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If there is an area in your life that is starting to feel irrelevant or worthless? Maybe in your blog, marriage, ministry, friendships, or family?

If you find that you aren’t feeling valuable to the world, ask yourself these three questions.


1. Are You Being GENUINE?

When I was in college, a counselor told me these words of wisdom:

“If you are being yourself, you are never boring. It is only when you are trying to be like everyone else that you become boring.”

But sometimes I still get trapped in the comparison game because “I want a taste of the glory” (read in a Nacho Libre voice).

It is tempting to try to achieve our goals by copying what someone else has done before us. It is tempting to compare ourselves with other people, especially those who have achieved the dreams God has put on our own heart.

If I get distracted and try to be a certain way or be like someone else, I lose my confidence, joy and sense of purpose in my own creativity.

Elisha Was Genuine

I love the examples in the Bible of the prophets because they were so genuine. Like the prophet Elisha who would not accept any payment or gifts in return for his advice for Naaman’s leprosy. Elisha was just doing his prophet thing, not trying to use his calling for his own gain.

But Gehazi, Elisha’s servant, tries to get the garments and silver dishonestly after the prophet refuses them, and he becomes leprous as a result of his falsehood and self-interest (2 Kings 5:9-27).

We must be like Elisha, not Gehazi. Our value and self-worth must be in our genuine obedience to the Lord and our service to others–not in material gain, monetary rewards, or our own glory.

John the Baptist Was Genuine

John the Baptist is another example of a genuine person. He wore what he wanted to wear and hung out in the wilderness, eating bugs and doing what God called him to do. He didn’t do anything for fame or fortune. He didn’t know he would be a famous Bible person one day. He was just being himself.

John’s life, ministry, and death didn’t even look the same as Jesus’ life, ministry and death, but he was genuinely serving God in his own special way.

I must also live in the way that suits me, which will not look the same as any other person.

2. Are You SHOWing UP?

There is a temptation to unplug from relationships in so many ways, but we have to be present–in real life–with other people.

When we show up, we feel valuable because I feel visible and known.


When I stop showing up at family events, I am invisible to the family, which makes me feel not valuable. However, when I make an appearance, at the very least I feel visible, but most likely I will feel valued.


With a new baby, I find it difficult to contribute much to the church body. I feel irrelevant, like no one would even care whether I showed up to church or not. I hear the thoughts go through my head: “It doesn’t really matter to anyone if I don’t go.”

But the truth is: I am part of the church body. Even if I just show up and smile at someone, give them a hug, or let them hold my baby at church, I am contributing what I can.


At stressful times in my life, my husband and I have stopped going out together, laughing together, or being intimate. We stopped sharing adventures. We don’t even see it coming–it just happened as a result of the stresses and distractions of life with kids, ministry, and a full schedule.

If we make the mistake of thinking it doesn’t matter if we don’t show up in our marriages–if we are absent or invisible to each other–we might suddenly find ourselves feeling irrelevant, boring, or worthless.


I experienced a rift in a friendship when I got married and had kids before my best friend did. We disconnected a little bit at first, but then the chasm grew wider and deeper over the years.

When one person has a big life change and the other friend join in, we are suddenly faced with the fact that we don’t have as much in common anymore.

On one hand, these life changes are natural. But on the other hand, these life changes give us an excuse to disconnect and stop showing up, eroding our value.


Two summers ago, when my family and I were serving at Gleanings for the Hungry, an organization that sends dried peaches to starving people around the world, I was in a time in my life when I was feeling inadequate, disconnected and irrelevant.

That week, we worked hard processing peaches and laying out trays of fruit to dry in the sun.

And at the end, during a time of devotion and reflection, the workers shared some of their struggles–and I noticed a theme in their words: before the trip they didn’t feel valuable.

But after a week of serving their attitudes changed, generosity restored their value!

After Gleanings, I finally felt brave enough to publish this post about rediscovering our value in the midst of depression. (Actually, few days after I published the post, Robin Williams sadly took his own life. Nooo!)

No Matter What You Do, YOU ARE  VALUABLE

Because of who you are, you have so much to offer, and no one can do it but you.

But no matter what you do or don’t do, you are valuable. You are loved.

“For God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).


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