Latest posts by Elaine Mingus (see all)
- The Reason Why Your Husband Wants To Quit Homeschooling – March 29, 2017
- 20 Tips for Homeschooling When You Have Toddlers – March 27, 2017
- What Millennial Mamas Need Most – March 22, 2017
Here’s the common scenario.
A mom discovers homeschooling and tells her husband.
He’s on board. He thinks it’s a great idea. He gives her a budget and she goes happily off to purchase curriculum and homeschool room furniture.
If she has older kids, they are stoked that they won’t have to wake up at 6 a.m. anymore to catch the bus.
If she has little ones, they are happy they don’t have to leave mama everyday.
The homeschool year starts off with a bang.
Things don’t go according to plan…but what part of life ever does?
But something happens along the first year of homeschooling.
Somewhere her husband starts to doubt her abilities or wonders if they children are getting enough education.
The wife begins to feel like she has to defend homeschooling and she’s unsure why.
If the older children are missing their old school and friends, they might sense their dad’s instability in homeschooling, which only make matters worse.
She starts wondering if maybe her husband is right.
Maybe this homeschooling thing was a fluke… or just a season?
She thinks that maybe she’d serve her family better if she sent the kids off to school and just got a real job.
Why Your Husband Wants to Quit Homeschooling
I’m going to tell you the #1 reason I’ve discovered why a husband wants to quit homeschooling.
Take a deep breath.
It’s called complaining.
Often husbands don’t realize that we need to vent about our homeschooling day.
We just want some sympathy and a pat on the back saying, “You’re awesome. It’ll get better. I support you.”
Or maybe we want a little help in disciplining the children so they won’t complain so much about their homework.
It doesn’t mean we want to quit. Oftentimes, we over exaggerate the problem or label a day “bad” just because the last 30 minutes were horrible.
But all our husbands hear is, “HELP ME!”
And men are traditionally “fixers”…they see a problem and they are engineered to solve it.
Woman Says: Oh, the kids were awful today. They cried the entire time. I didn’t even get to finish all the lesson I wanted to complete!
Man Thinks: My wife needs help. Our kids are not getting a good education. I must rescue my wife and kids.
If we complain long enough, we’ll start to see our husbands doubting this thing called homeschool.
If we complain about our ability to homechool…he’ll wonder if we are an adequate teacher.
if we complain that our children aren’t getting a certain subject at school and we don’t know what to do…he’ll wonder if they’d be better off at public school where they have “professionals.”
If we complain about our stress levels and say we are thinking about quitting…he’ll want to rescue us from our stress and agree that quitting is a good idea.
This is especially true for husbands that haven’t been homeschooled themselves because they don’t have any track record to know homeschooling works.
How to Discuss Your Homeschool Day with Your Husband
Our husbands are so smart, but many times they just don’t think the way a woman thinks.
They need those extra details that women often to take for granted.
You know your best friend who can know what you are thinking without any words? Or your sister who doesn’t need you to tell her that you aren’t trying to be judge-y when you talk about another person.
Most men aren’t like that.
They need the “preface” of a conversation.
Hey, hon. I’m so glad we homeschool and I would like to continue, but I need help working through this one problem with school.
I know the children are on track with their school and I’m sure that I actually am doing a great job, but I’m feeling discouraged that I’m not doing enough.
However we state our concerns, we have to know that our words create a powerful impact.
I’m not saying we shouldn’t discuss our issues with homeschooling with our husbands, but that we need to remember that our husbands might not understand things they exact way we intend them.
(Tip: If you need a full venting session, call a seasoned homeschool mom and she’ll help you put your thoughts in order so you can talk to your husband without all the drama!)
What If Your husband Still Wants You To Quit HOMESCHOOLING?
Maybe, no matter what you say, your husband still wants you to quit homeschooling.
Personally, I’m for obeying your husband when it comes down to a battle of wills.
If you can convince him to give you one more short, do that, but if he’s adamant, then off to public school they go!
Tis better to have a harmonious house than homeschool the kids with your spouse against you.
That might not be what you want to hear, but I promise it’s the best solution.
And just because you quit homeschooling doesn’t mean you can’t try again later, too.
Sometimes it takes a different perspective to realize what went wrong.
And even if your children never come back home, I want to encourage you that they will be totally fine.
If there is one lesson I’ve learned from a certain infamous homeschooling family, it doesn’t matter how much we homeschool or do everything “perfect” – that doesn’t mean all will turn out well.
Rephrase That Complaint
If you haven’t gotten to this point in your homeschooling journey, that’s great.
But no matter if you have or not, it’s in all of our best interest to consider how we talk about our homeschool day to our husbands.
Rephrase a complaint in a way that let’s husbands know that we aren’t looking for a solution, but a listening ear.
If we want a solution, let him know that solution doesn’t have to include quitting homeschool.
And who knows, putting a positive spin on how we talk about homeschool might change how our homeschool days go in the first place!
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