Do you struggle with habitual sin? Do you desire to overcome it?
I sure do!!! Just like Paul, I have a thorn in my flesh: I’m an emotional binge eater and I am so thankful for the word of God.
God’s love for us is evident in the fact that He saw fit to tell us about Paul having a thorn in the flesh.
I don’t blog to share my righteousness, I blog to share my weaknesses because I want the world to see the grace of God in my life. I also want the world to see that victory over sin is found in Christ Jesus.
To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:7-9
It began on a dark and stormy night…in my marriage.
Actually, it began when I was a kid but the major change happened one night a few weeks ago. My husband and I decided to go to war over a filing cabinet.
Feel free to roll your eyes..I have.
Anyway, we got into a ridiculous fight over a filing cabinet and then everything that had been stewing came to the surface and it got ugly…fast.
I had been dieting and when I got home, I did the dumbest thing possible…I headed for the kitchen.
I stood in front of the sink crying and just started stuffing my face with macaroni and cheese and Little Debbie cakes. I didn’t feel content until I was uncomfortably full.
I sat down at my desk and thought, “Why? Why do I do this to myself?”
It really makes no sense to me.
There’s nothing in food to create that euphoria like there is in drugs or alcohol so why on earth do I do it?
I cry and eat and then hate myself and then feel convicted because I know it’s wrong and then eat some more. Wash, rinse, repeat.
Every time I do it, I swear it’s the last time.
I still don’t have that answer as to why I do it, but the fact that I’m a food addict still remains. It’s a very real problem in my life and one that will eventually take my life if it isn’t dealt with.
Oh, Victory In Jesus
At church, the youth sang the song Come Alive (Dry Bones) by Lauren Daigle. (Listen Here)
It was during this song the thought came to me “Heather, what are you going to claim victory over?”
Emotional binge eating.
The enemy has whispered lies to me my whole life and I’ve been a slave to food. However, with the faith that God has given me, because of His endless mercy and unrelenting love, I am stepping into the valley unafraid, and claiming victory over emotional binge eating.
My small group is also doing the Bible study, The Shelter of God’s Promises by Sheila Walsh.
There was a quote that hit me,
Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.
Well, I’m there. The pain of staying the same is way scarier than the pain of change.
One Day At A Time
I have no delusions that this will be easy. Food has been a method of self-soothing my whole life and the real issue is a heart issue.
Every time I stuff myself to feel better, I’m really telling God that He isn’t enough.
I can’t do it anymore. I will literally take it one day at a time. Maybe even one minute at a time. I will try not to think ahead, but I will just focus on the moment.
Since I’ve started bullet journaling, I will try to remember to keep track of what I’m feeling when the desire occurs, learn my triggers, but resist.
I know resistance is possible. The Lord told us to submit to Him and resist the devil and he will flee. I know this is it because it feels like it did when I quit smoking and I remember the way the Lord spoke to me that day. He gave me the victory over cigarettes and now He’s giving me the victory over food.
I have no clue who needed these words or shares my struggle and just needed to know that they’re not alone.
I will say this though…I’ve recently learned that:
- I don’t know God as well as I thought I did. I’m looking forward to getting to know my Father and I feel like it’s pretty safe to say that He really is enough.
- We don’t have the strength to overcome this alone. We have to surrender this to Jesus and let Him strengthen us day by day, minute by minute.
- Shame and Grace can’t share the same space. Shame is useless, it will get you absolutely no where, and it’s a complete and total waste of time. The next time the enemy whisper’s shame in your ear, you whisper back “Grace. I’m forgiven.”…aaaannndddd drop the mic and walk away.
No matter what though, just remember that God loves you.
And you know what dear sister? I love you too. You are NOT alone.
Hey y’all, I’m Heather!!! I’m a sassy, southern Jesus lover who is on a journey of faith and fitness. I love hydrangeas, mason jars, sackcloth quilts, flannel, and coffee. I love to make wooden signs, read, and decorate. I workout because I have to. My hashtag should be #iwouldratherbesleeping.