I was vacuuming this morning. My best thoughts come when I’m vacuuming.
My husband was leaning up against the wall, bare-chested, eating a pear. The girls were watching Strawberry Shortcake despite the noise of my work.
I turned off the vacuum just to tell my husband how many times I thank God we have a good marriage. I am so glad I don’t have a marriage that struggles. Or even worse, wishing I was out of.
He, as always, begins to slough off my compliments.
“I’m glad you think so, because I know I’m not a good husband.”
Instead of arguing I only said one thing before turning the vacuum back. (Ya know…like a good little helpmeet – I’m totally joking BTW).
I am SOOOO glad I read a certain book about marriage.
I got to thinking how much this book changed my marriage…a marriage that in reality was totally “flourishing” by most standards. We loved each other, liked each other, fought occasionally but quickly made up. We had dreams, aspirations and goals that included each other. What else could there have been?
But this book is so controversial that, after reading it, I bought copies to give away only to find out that one of my good friends threw it across the room (and then in the trash). She, a Christian, disagreed so strongly with what was being said. And we are good friends, so we usually have similar views. The reviews on Amazon are either love or hate. Women swear by it or think it should be outlawed (along with all the other books this ministry produces.)
So, I did what any red-blooded person would do…I stopped talking about it as much. I only told a select few who I thought would be open to it.
I admit I may have jumped on the bandwagon of this ministry, trying to excuse any criticism.
I would say people didn’t understand where the book was coming from (though I still believe this to a degree).
What is the book?
Created to Be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl.
I consider Debi Pearl to be the Dr. Laura Schlessinger of the Christian World. She’s very brash, sometimes you don’t like what she says (or agree with what she says or the way she says it).
But the fact remains, my marriage is flourishing in ways I could never have imagined.
Before you go to Amazon and read the reviews and slaughter me based on other people’s ideas, do understand I have a BRAIN…and I also have a BIBLE. Thank you.
I don’t condone everything that anyone writes just because I say I like a certain book. Just like people who LOVED “A Purpose Driven Life” in the early 2000s, may think that Rick Warren has gone off the deep-end in his theology as of late. Does that negate the truth millions gleaned from his book? Some would say yes. But not me.
I read Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell. I do NOT agree with his theology, but the book had some interesting things to say. Do I believe we should read extra-Biblical material that isn’t Bible-based in order to glean truth? My answer is an ADAMANT NO!!!! I will never say that it is okay to read the Kabbalah or the Koran to become a better Christian. Maybe somebody else would, that’s fine. But not me.
But does that mean that if I read something that makes me realize something about myself, that it is inherently good? No.
One time, I identified with Benjamin Linus on the television show Lost once when he was having one of his “softer” moment, but dude was a monster! I don’t believe he was a “good guy” because he had a moment.
I believe that everything outside of the Bible has the potential to be on-point or herectical…or both. Even this post.
Back to my point. The one where I believe my marriage rocks. I love my husband more today after five children than I did after three children (the time period when I read the “Helpmeet” book).
And as I was sucking up crumbs from my dining room floor, I pondered the reasons I only recently added this book to my Facebook profile under “Books.”
Why? What was I afraid of? Or who?
Truthfully, I was afraid of controversy and misunderstanding that came with saying I liked “Created to be His Helpmeet.”
- What would people think about me if I liked this book?
- Would they associate me with all the criticism that accompanies this book?
- Would they think I was the type of helpmeet that did EVERYTHING my husband did, just because he was my husband?
But what I came to realize is that I have been sinning.
God did something in my through this helpmeet book. Something major. But because of fear of judgement, I have kept where I found these secrets to a good marriage under wraps.
In essence, I have been denying Christ in front of people by not being honest with what he’s done for me in my marriage and with what tool he used.
Matthew 10:33 says:
But whoever disowns me before others, I will disown before my Father in heaven.
Okay, I don’t believe that I am going to hell if I don’t share my love of this book, but you (hopefully) get the point.
Yes, I believe God used this tool for me. No, I don’t believe it is for everyone. I can name a few examples (and there may be more types) of people who this book would probably harm:
- People who have a tendency to follow a ministry like cult-followers. The Pearls are human, subject to frailty. Even if they whole-heartedly expound something doesn’t mean it’s the truth. You must have a brain and a Bible. Thank you.
- Those who are hell-bent on thinking about the “exceptions” to the rule and don’t want to lay down those “exceptions” to read the book in a non-hyper-emotional way.
- Those unwilling to die to themselves because they would rather live in a marriage where they are RIGHT instead of HAPPY.
- Those who want to read the book piecemeal, instead of cover to cover. (This is probably where half the ill-reviews come from, by the way.)
There it is. The book I love but was scared to admit it, Created to Be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl.
Buy it today, throw it away tomorrow. Fine. My marriage still is fabulous.
And yes, I read “To Train Up a Child” as well.
Haters gonna hate.
For those interested, here is the website:
No Greater Joy Ministries – Created to be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl
* This post might contain affiliate links. Please note that this doesn’t cost you any money, nor do I link to anything that I don’t believe in.